Lessons in grief
Grief is contradictory.
You may feel like you're ready to face real life, or you may all of a sudden feel like you are unable to breathe, as if you're drowning. (Because in reality, aren't you?)
You may be in denial that this could have happened to you baby and your family, or you may treasure the moments you had with your daughter and husband.
You may feel so disconnected from your pregnancy and delivery as if it never happened, or you may still feel phantom kicks nearly 2 months later.
You may think time has slowed to a complete stop, or you may feel like time has flown by in an instant.
You may keep so busy that you're exhausted by the end of the night, or you may not be able to get out of bed for days.
You may lose people or you may gain people.
You may know firsthand that outliving your baby and putting her to rest is the worst feeling ever imaginable and you wouldn't wish it on anyone, or you may wish with every fiber in your being that this never happened to your family and that you could switch places with someone else.
Grief is not linear.
Grief is lonely.
Grief is messy.
Grief is guilt.
Grief is heavy.
Grief is never-ending.
Grief is contradictory.
Beautifully written, and while I haven't been through what you have - I agree that grief is contradictory. There's no one way to feel it or be in it.
ReplyDelete-Lauren
www.shootingstarsmag.net
Beautiful words, I agree grief is contradictory.
ReplyDeleteAfter losing the boys I found myself thinking things were back to how they were "supposed to be". Back to trying and failing to conceive, like I had been for years. The part where I was actually pregnant and believed my struggles might be over was the unreal part. Infertility and IVF is real life but I don't expect to ever actually have a baby at the end of it.