Struggling with self-love after baby loss

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I've long since accepted my body for what it is. 

I am not thin or fit, nor do I have the body shape that others consider desirable. It is what it is, and I am who I am. I know I am more than what I look like. 

But I've got to be honest. I'm struggling with self love more than ever before and this time, it has nothing to do with my appearance. 

I've never hated my body more than I do right now. 

My body couldn't keep my baby safe. My body betrayed me, my daughter, and my family. My body failed to do the one thing it is meant to do. 

The past week has been really difficult for me. God must have known how much I needed to see this photo today. No matter how many times doctors tell me that what happened was a freak incident and it wasn't my fault, the guilt and grief I feel every day is all-consuming. 

To say that I am struggling with forgiving my body and moving forward in life after losing Isabela is an understatement. I hope one day I will be able to show my body some compassion for what it tried to do and what it has been through. 

My body housed my little girl, and I will always treasure those moments. I just wish more than anything our time together didn't have to come to an end. 

Mommy misses you, baby.


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