Dear Isabela | Leaving the house, 12 mile drive, and just enough shiplap.

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Our daughter, Isabela Rose, was born and died on May 2nd, 2020. I went into preterm labor at 21 weeks and 5 days after a failed emergency cerclage procedure and developing an infection. I had to deliver my perfect baby girl before her body was ready to enter this world, but she was a fighter. She lived for 1 hour and 45 minutes in our arms, and her Daddy and I loved her the best we could during that time. I started writing letters to her the day after she was born, to help me process our immense loss and grief. 

"I lost my heart to you, little one, forever, for always, it's yours." 
-Zoe Clark Coates


May 12, 2020


Sweet girl, 


Today, Mommy couldn't get out of bed. It's so hard for me, because I wake up already missing you and I feel the heaviest weight on my chest. Your daddy is so amazing and gave me both the space and the motivation I needed to get up today. Only he can do that for me. We are so lucky to call him ours, aren't we? 


Daddy made me a tea and waffles for breakfast, then we headed to Newport. First, we went to Home Depot. We picked up the shiplap for your room, love, and you somehow made sure there were just enough "good" shiplap planks for us to take home. We were smiling so much as we left the aisle. Thank you for that sign, love. It made our day to know that you were watching over us. 


Your room is going to be so beautiful once it's all finished. I can't wait for you to see it. I think it's going to be my favorite room in our house. 


Anyway, after Home Depot Daddy decided to take Mommy to the beach for lunch. I don't think you know this yet, but the beach is Mommy's happy place, aside from our home. There's something about hearing the waves crash and feeling the sand with my feet that is healing for me. Well, turns out that all the beaches were still closed because of the Coronavirus! We were upset but decided to do the 12 mile drive through Newport instead. That is something we do all the time in the spring and summer. It was bittersweet, because I so wished that we could have gotten the chance to take you on our frequent drives through Newport. You would have loved it so much. And we would have loved to share those special moments with you. 


To be honest, I think that is how I am going to think for the rest of my life, baby. How everything I do from here on out, I wish I could do it with you. I hope you know just how much we love and miss you, baby girl. All the way to Jupiter and back, forever and ever. 


Love, 

Mommy

Comments

  1. StephTheBookwormJune 17, 2020 at 12:38 PM

    I'm so glad your husband has been such a good support for you. The shiplap will look so nice in her room.

    ReplyDelete

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