Dear Isabela | A sunny afternoon in Plymouth and signs from you

      

Our daughter, Isabela Rose, was born and died on May 2nd, 2020. I went into preterm labor at 21 weeks and 5 days after a failed emergency cerclage procedure and developing an infection. I had to deliver my perfect baby girl before her body was ready to enter this world, but she was a fighter. She lived for 1 hour and 45 minutes in our arms, and her Daddy and I loved her the best we could during that time. I started writing letters to her the day after she was born, to help me process our immense loss and grief. 

"I lost my heart to you, little one, forever, for always, it's yours." 

-Zoe Clark Coates

May 27th, 2020 

Hi baby girl, it's your Mommy. 

Today Daddy, Cooper, Molly and I went out for the first time as a family on one of our summer day trips. We usually do a few of these every summer, where Daddy and I just pick a town to go to in our state or neighboring states, and spend the day there. This time, we decided to go to Plymouth. Mommy used to work up there a lot, and it had been a while since I was up there. We decided to go there in the afternoon, and since restaurants weren't doing dine-in because of the Coronavirus, we  took the pups with us and headed down to grab some fresh seafood takeout and eat by the water.  

Surprisingly, Cooper and Molly were REALLY good in the car and while we were walking. They're not huge fans of car rides but I think they were just really sleepy, because they slept the whole ride there. When we took them out, they were really good. No barking, and very friendly with other tourists. I was proud of them. And they loved all the attention they got from everyone. I mean like, flopping on to their bellies to get more pets. It was hilarious. As if they don't get enough attention at home... haha. 

Daddy and I got some fresh seafood and ate it on the wharf in downtown Plymouth. It was a gorgeous day, but hot for sure. So you know us, we hate the heat- we ate it in our car with the AC on! Then we went for a nice long walk. We had to stop a lot to give water to Cooper and Molly, and on one of our many shady breaks, we took a family photo. I more than anything wish you were in it. 

All day I was happy, but also really sad. I should have either still had you in my belly OR had you in a stroller along with us. It would have been your first family outing, one of many that we take in the warmer months. It was really bittersweet and I missed you so much. You must have known that because on the way home, Daddy and I spotted a cloud that looked JUST like a cardinal! I know you sent that to us. Cardinals hold a special meaning to me now, because I know that they are a sign from a loved one you miss. It made us smile, cry, and miss you even more, but we felt like you were watching over us that day. Thank you so much for sending that cloud to us. Signs from you keep me going everyday.

I hope you know how much I love you. I think about you often, no matter who I am with or what I am doing. I know you are still with me, but I can't help but feel my heart ache so much throughout the day. Sweet girl, you are Mommy's miracle! Please keep watching over me and Daddy. And know that we love you more than anything in this world, forever and ever, all the way to Jupiter and back. 

Love, 

Mommy